Something that I wish I could continue right here... On the first few days after landing in the U.S. soil ten years ago, I have ever had a dream that I would have better achievement and better life than in my home place. But the fact is I can only live in a dirty and nasty neighborhood of the City, I wish I could change my life and get rid of the bad living condition, I was so naive, I was even thinking that my dream would come true on one day. Living in the financial difficulties and an unbearable neighborhood, my feeling of inferiority has become stronger and stronger...
I know I have no way to turn my life around, I can only endure my pain, keep my tears not falling out, and tell people that I'm living well right now. But who knows my pain? Sometimes when I lay down on bed I start sobbing, no one knows. Sometimes I feel down (the fact is I always feel down) and nobody is around, I can only tell myself, if I could leave this country someday, I would consider my ten years as a dream, a ten-year long dream, and I would wake up from that dream, I would say I have never been to the U.S., everything would be a dream, but the bad thing would be I have wasted ten years of my life.
Every time when I see or when I know someone who has achieved a better life in the U.S. even they have been in this country for only a few years, I keep blaming myself, why people can achieve something and have something they want but I can't? Why people can go anywhere they want to go but I can't? Why people don't have to worry about their money and living conditions but I have to? Why people can hang out with other people but I can't? Lots of similar questions that I wish to ask myself, but I know I can never solve these questions.
I don't have a lot of demands, I just want I could have worry-free life, my financial condition is stable, I don't have to fear about the place that I live in, and when it is possible, I wish I could travel around the country or any place that I have never been to, I really wish I can know this world better. Whenever I'm free I could talk freely with my confidant and best friends on everything and a glass of wine. We would all have an enjoyable talk, and my life would be getting better. Unfortunately, I never have the ability to make any of the above happens, never. My life is that bumpy... Nothing more than that.
No comments:
Post a Comment