Te Esquecerei, Assim Como A Maneira Que Me Esquceste…

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She has not contacted me for days, and I haven't contacted her either. I kept on asking myself the same question, why do I always think of her even I knew that wouldn't be a good ending? I don't know, I don't know why I have a very strong feeling of her, and that kind of feeling is very unique. I knew that she has the one she loves and cares about, then why I still think about her, how silly I am!

She never knows that I have feeling of her, and I never tell her that directly, maybe that is unrequited love, right?

When talking about love relations, we can never say who is smart or who is silly. Love is blind, sometimes it makes you to do or to think of something that you usually don't do or think of. It's exactly the way I think of her, and I think that I'm not silly, I'm just too simple, sometimes naïve.

I don't think that I lost my love because we have never started a relationship, everything was only my wishful thinking…

I will try to forget about her and work hard to myself happy, maybe I could meet another person that I love, a true love in the future.

Interpersonal Communication

I know that many people criticize on my bad interpersonal communication, and I don't know how to communicate with people, I never deny my faults, and I always work hard to get rid of them, but sometimes it's not that easy as I think, especially for a person who was born and raised in a family with no communications.

My parents were divorced back in 2008, but their de facto divorcement was begun more than 20 years ago, which means at the time when I was 3, 4 years old. I don't know if that's coincidence or not, from my grandfather's generation, almost every male family member is bad on interpersonal communication. Of course my father is not an exception, and I think his communication skills are really bad compare to his two younger brothers, my two uncles. My father doesn't talk too much at home, and he seldom talks to me. Honestly, I don't really want to talk to him because he often makes my troubles and my difficulties worse, and he only knows how to curse... There're really few moments to care about his children. In conclusion, it's bad communication, bad communication and bad communication!

I really want to communicate with other people, but sometimes I can't find a good discussion topic to talk about, also my background seriously affecting my behavior. Or I don't give myself any excuse, right? I hope in some days, I could get rid of my bad communication.

Friendly? Not Friendly?

I have got a lot of free time during this summer, so I started thinking about this question: What kind of personality do I have? This question looks like silly, but it is not silly; it also looks simple, but when think deeply, it's so complicated that you can't describe in a few words.

Anyway, I have been thinking a lot of questions about myself these days. Am I a friendly person? I don't even know the exact answer. Some people may be right, I'm a person without popularity, I said that I'm a person without popularity, but not unpopular. In my definition, unpopular doesn't equal to low popularity. Low popularity only means you have trouble to build a friendship with other people, but unpopular means you are "a mouse on the street - everybody wants to beat it." Of course I'm not "a mouse on the street", but why do I have few good friends?

I think it may be related to my characteristics. Quiet, introverted, withdrawn and don't like to get along with others, and more importantly, afraid of strangers. I can tell you that I was not born with those characteristics. I used to be very active, popular (especially to the girls, that's true and I'm not lying!) and love to talk a lot. All of those characteristics I said above were developed during my primary school (elementary school) years in Macau. Where is Macau? Click on this Google Map link, then you will know where it is.

So why did my characteristics change that much? I think there were two main factors, the first one, something happened in my primary school; and the second one is also something happened in my primary school. Do you want to me to tell what were they? No, I'm not going to say it right here, but if you have affinity to me, then I could tell you my stories in detail.

As the saying goes, a person who has a close friend can die without regret. I don't have a lot of friends, I have fewer good friends, and speaking of close friend, I have only three close friends, and they're not with me now. In this vast sea of people, how can I find my soulmate?